Honesty is just so beautiful to me. Possibly because I don't use it enough. Like a rare wine you take out only for special occasions, each time you sip it is a delight. I think the trouble is: lying, self delusion, and fear. I like to think I'm this great person. I want to be this great person. I am not. I'm average or maybe even under-average with a slightly psychotic streak. This is not a note to self-depreciate to the point of pity. It's a reminder for me. Of reality. Here I am, a selfish being, wanting everyone I come into contact with to see me as I want to be. Not that this makes me exceptional, many others are the same way, I hear. I wouldn't really know though, cause really who can you believe?
But when I see someone open up, be vulnerable and truly who they are, the good or the bad. It's something that stands out. Whether they are airing their "dirty laundry" and finding relief in the confession and acceptance. Or whether they are talking about one of their deepest desires and joys. The kind they almost don't want to say because it is too close to their heart. It's like a camera flash in my eyes. Closer then lightening, but just as powerful.
I wonder if that's what it was like being with Jesus. I wonder if that's another one of the things that made him so incredible and safe to be around. He had nothing to fear, really, not anything of who he was, no shame. He saw people, allowed them to see him and accepted them. He was who he truly was, God. The Bible says he "taught as one who had authority" and you know what? He sure did have authority.
You know what the problem with Christians are? My problem is? I am so afraid to be who I am, I spend so much time trying to be somebody else when I could be praising God for all he is creating, working, doing. I'm not saying God doesn't work with what he has to work with, in and through me, he'll get the job done. I'm saying that I miss out by hiding, lying, fearing, manipulating, trying, and faking. Trying to be "Like Jesus" instead of just following his example by being real.
Just something I'm learning, once again.