I really appreciate kindness. And by "I really appreciate kindness" what I really mean is, I'm terrified of anger. I don't know when or why this started. But I know that every morning I wake up and I'm scared that someone is going to yell at me, or be angry with me, or hurt me. Every morning I have to (in order to function) talk to God about this. Realizing that HE is in control and whatever happens, He will make good out of it. If, as I go through the day, I find out someone is mad at me or yells at me I have the "I knew it" feeling. And again have to (in order to just function) go to God about this. Realizing that it is not MY righteousness that makes it so He does not smite me (yes smite) but the Jesus is interceding for me. So I am ok. If no one yells at me or is agry with me during the day, I figure I missed something, and that it will happen tomorrow. Gathering like a storm.
This is not a post to say anything like, and now I've learned that. . .and its all better. This is more like a child talking about her nightmare just so its out there and can be looked it. I hope thats more what happens.
2 comments:
I didn't know you were posting again! I'm so behind the times. I love the rawness of this post. I have fears like that that I'm fighting right now too. And there is something so beautiful about being so dependent on Him that we can't even handle our own fears without Him. I will pray that you continue to heal. I love you!
This is one of my favorites - your authenticity is one of your most endearing qualities, Red. And the depth of your heart - you love people so deeply. Oh, and I love how random and hilarious you can be, too! Keep writing:)
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